We were all victims of social, emotional or

physical violence. In the transgeneration sense, literally so: not ourselves, so our ancestors. This has created the traumatic mentality of the country’s population. What does she do with us, psychologists and clients?

Here are a few ideas harmful to each and for society as a whole.

1. It is impossible to protect yourself from violence, you will definitely test it, only it is not known when. “Once violence is inevitable, relax and enjoy.”. “Beats – means loves”.

2. Do not provoke the rapist. Everyone can be a rapist. You can too. Therefore, “do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask”. Do not show weaknesses, which means, do not show emotions: no, except for anger. Do not talk about your successes – they will envy and harm. “Do not tease geese”.

3. You can not fight violence – it will only be worse. If your child is offended by a teacher at school, do not be indignant: after that he will torment him even more. Teach him to endure and adapt.

4. Please higher. They are better than you are higher. And those who depend on you are worse than you. “Falling interpretation”. “Due you today, and I am tomorrow”.

Such ideas are accompanied by a certain emotional state: a combination of fear and anger. We are afraid, angry and feel powerless. In a situation of impunity, anger goes to the forefront of life. The rest of the time we are concerned: “No matter what happens …” Fear controls both rapists and victims.

In most cases, aggression is the second feeling after fear: in our society, fear is opposed only to the willingness to die. There are no ordinary rules for handling your fear. What then can help? Three thoughts that I propose to think together.

1.Fear is a real feeling

Everyone experiences it. But not everyone allows him to manage his behavior. Sometimes it’s better to act in spite of fear. Most people know this: when the danger threatens the child, we do not listen to fear, because the good of another person is more important.

It’s good if our views and principles are more important than fear. For example, when we understand that violence is evil and there should not be a place in our everyday life.

2. There is no justification for the rapist

But you can regret it. “Delicate weakness is cruel”. The rapist can act under the influence of despair, not knowing how it could be otherwise, because in other circumstances he himself was a victim.

3. No one has the right to condemn the victim of violence

We have no right to condemn the sacrifice of violence and blame her with what happened to her. The fear of violence makes us join the rapist, to identify with it. And strengthen the injury of the victim, “kicking” her. But only sympathy, only mercy, only comfort can be addressed to the victim.

If you have no pity, then you are afraid. This is your conscious choice – to be in fear?